The domain www.mikeandbenshow.com expires today, taking with it the all the online memories of “The Mike & Ben Show” — a college TV show that I haven’t been a part of for eight years. But please take a moment to browse old episode synopses and snarky email exchanges, not to mention the prominent button on the front page linking to the NEW site… which itself no longer exists.
I assure you, you’ll be the first non-googlebot visitor to the site in years.
It was killed after Tower 2 fell on top of its flooded New Orleans home, where it was recovering after returning from its third tour in Iraq, having been wounded by friendly fire. The cat was in stable condition until it was transferred to Walter Reed Medical Center and given a childs toy to play with tainted with lead-based paint and melamine.
The family asks that donations be sent to AIG, Bear Stearns and Chrysler.
from Yahoo!
I wish I had the patience to lay it all out like this nerd has. There are too many similarities in the way I deal with people, work or life listed in this article to quote, but this one seems apt for what I’ve affectionately been told:
Nerds are fucking funny. Your nerd spent a lot of his younger life being an outcast because of his strange affinity with the computer. This created a basic bitterness in his psyche that is the foundation for his humor. Now, combine this basic distrust of everything with your nerd’s other natural talents and you’ll realize that he sees humor is another game.
Read more on The Nerd Handbook. While we’re on the subject of bitterness and distrust, might I invite you to help the planet by helping yourself?
We have a new website, lots of new content, and we’re all really excited that one of our new writers is a real live lesbian! (Weak Nights is already thick with gay men.)
Head on over our new site, unless you just came from there, in which case go back now!
Ralphs Baker: Chef, what topping should I put on these cupcakes?
Chef throws the baker a bag of fun-size Snickers bars
Ralphs Baker: Do you want me to …unwrap them?
Chef stares daggers at the Ralphs Baker
And that is how you make the laziest cupcakes in Ralphs.
How can I be afraid of a monster who is too tired to chase me if he doesn’t get at least eight hours of sleep a day?
Part of why I got into psychology was I love giving feedback. The more terse and dismissive the better, which is why I just spent an hour at www.brandtags.net, giving my summary of various brands. Guess which brands I associated with:
oil spills
keeping customers in debt
no other options
greed
relentless advertising
like AOL (not in a good way)
a sinister name for a clothing company
bullshit
Visit www.brandtags.net and submit your own curt bon mots! You’re helping advertisers, and what could be more noble than that?
Answers: Shell, Chase, Best Buy, Rolex, Nike, MSN, Banana Republic, American Idol.
I mean really.
It’s no surprise that MySpace has the most unbelievably retarded banner ads. At first they started off normally, tricking dumb fools into clicking on them by having a big red button that makes the ad look like a video game. Press the button to kick! Press the button to shoot the clown! Yeah, that makes sense, but then they became ungrounded, and banner ads were inviting rubes to click the button to roll, or drink, or sleep, or do a pull-up. How do I click a button to continue sleeping? The ‘games’ theme had become so abstract that the button no longer made sense.
Meanwhile another genus of ads began to appear, the ‘spooky’ ads, which warned you to NOT CLICK HERE if you were easily scared, accompanied by faces of creepy stock photo children. Then they began to focus on speculating on what date you’ll die — because what could be scarier, right? Then somehow, the two merged, and now there are ads inviting you into some kind of death game, all I have to do is sign up:
No chance to win an Xbox. No free ringtones. No products, no service. No company is being advertised. I’m not signing my soul away in exchange for some prize, I’m simply acknowledging that I’m dead. Unless this banner ad was placed by satan himself (which I can’t completely rule out), what could possibly be the appeal of this gigantic, full page ad?
As if an ad inviting me to kill myself wasn’t bad enough, there’s a catch:
Subscription to what?!
You know, if it meant never having to see another incomprehensible flash ad, I would sign my own death certificate.
Ohhhh…. NOW I get it.
I recently went to the movie theater at the new recession-defiant Americana supermall in Glendale, and couldn’t decide which movie to see. It was a tough choice between:
Iron Man
Iron Man
Iron Man
Iron Man
Iron Man
Iron Man
Iron Man
Iron Man
Made of Honor
Made of Honor
Made of Honor
Made of Honor
Made of Honor
Made of Honor
Son of Rambow
Son of Rambow
The Visitor
Young@Heart
I don’t want to imply that there’s still a paucity of choice even at these swanky upscale malls, but for those of you keeping track at home, that’s 18 screens showing a total of five movies. Which do you want to see, “Boys’ Movie” or “Girls’ Movie”?
What is arugula and why does its description on O Chef make it sound like a street drug?
Where were you in the 90s? That’s when arugula pretty much became our national salad green. Actually, it was popular in Italy and France for ages, but caught on in the US and Britain somewhat more recently. Perhaps you know if by some of its other names  rugola, rucola, roquette, garden rocket, Mediterranean rocket, salad rocket, Roman rocket, or Italian cress
Now my dealer knows what to get me when I’m jonesin’ for some garden rocket. (Don’t tell Fake Steve Jobs I had to look it up.)